FOULDS: Do we celebrate July 4 in Canada? Of course we do . . .
Our neighbours to the south in the Excited States of America will celebrate their 236th birthday on Wednesday, July 4, a celebration that will see fireworks light up across the country.
My eldest brother works for a sales-training company that has staff in Dallas, Tex., arrange his conferences in Canada.
He received an email from one of those staffers, asking whether Canada celebrates July 4 as she did not want to book him on the holiday.
Does Canada celebrate July 4?
Does Canada celebrate America’s birthday?
Yes, she realized soon enough she had asked a silly question, but I did my best to temper her embarrassment with a quick reply on behalf of my brother, filled with the red-and-white patriotism that was in ample display this past weekend in Riverside Park:
Yes, we certainly do celebrate July 4 in Canada.
We celebrate all that has helped make Canada the premier country in North America (which is why God placed it on top).
We celebrate the Lachine Riot of July 4, 1812, which led to the union of French-Canadians with English Loyalists to defend our great land from the imperialistic heathen from the United States.
We celebrate Sir Phineas Riall, who so valiantly defended Canada in the Battle of Chippawa on July 5, 1814 and who, on Dec. 30, 1813, marched through western New York, destroying Buffalo in the process.
That’s why the Buffalo Bills today play such disastrous football.
We celebrate Sir Isaac Brock, who was Canada’s Buster Douglas to America’s Mike Tyson.
We celebrate Laura Secord, not for her chocolates, but for her stealth and determination in warning our forces of the damn Yankees coming, thereby securing a critical victory during the Battle of Beaver Dams on June 24, 1813.
Her chocolate ain’t bad, either.
We celebrate the Aug. 24, 1814, burning of the White House and U.S. Capitol, a symbolic act that served to convince all that Canada belongs to Canadians.
That the burnings were supervised by the ethically superior Major-General Robert Ross (who ordered his troops to not touch private buildings) and that the invasion was only the second time ever that foreign troops captured Washington makes the victory all the more impressive.
We celebrate on July 4.
Of course we do.
And, not just to pay our respects to our victory over the United States in the war that gave us our independence.
We celebrate three-down football, the way God intended it to be played.
And all the marvellous things invented in Canada . . .
Like five-pin bowling.
And vinegar on French fries.
And colour, not color.
And Trivial Pursuit.
And the CPR dummy.
And the Fuller brush.
And instant mashed potatoes.
And the prosthetic hand.
And the garbage bag.
And the zipper.
And the electric streetcar.
And the electric wheelchair.
And the electric light bulb.
And the electric organ.
And the Mcintosh apple.
And the pacemaker,
And Alex Trebek — who these days may be thanking his native country for the heart invention.
Yes, we celebrate July 4.
We celebrate all this and more.
But, we do it on July 1 due to the exchange rate.
God bless Canada.