Santa! There’s a call from some government official for you. He says it’s important!
As Santa took the phone, he wondered what had gone wrong this time.
He was in the midst of a legal battle with the human rights commission. They had accused him of violating children’s rights to privacy by determining who was naughty or nice. The fact that they better watch out, they better not cry, they better not pout is clearly a form of control.
And making it clear that Santa knows when you are sleeping or when you are awake, when you’ve been bad or good is clearly an attempt to restrict the rights of children. He was also under investigation for charges of smuggling. The government says there is no record of Santa paying import duties or taxes on the presents he had delivered all over the world.
As Santa took the phone, the official told him that due to the latest case of mad cow disease, Dancer and Prancer, who had been holidaying in Florida, could not come back to the North Pole. The humane society had taken them for testing.
They were also trying to determine if using only reindeer was limiting job opportunities for other animals.
Santa tried to tell them that reindeer were different from cows. They offered to substitute two donkeys for Dancer and Prancer.
Santa felt himself getting lightheaded. His eyes started to blur. Mrs. Claus and the elves caught him just before he fainted.
What the result of these lawsuits will have on Santa’s deliveries this year has not been determined. This could mean no presents for millions of kids. Santa is presumed to be hiding out at his North Pole home. His well-being is not known at this time.