A conversation with local Matchmaker, Tara Holmes of Holmes is Where the Heart Is Matchmaking Ltd.
February is upon us. The store shelves are currently teaming with Valentine’s Day treats and those of us that are single—by choice or otherwise—are faced with yet another reminder of our solo status.
The landscape for dating has changed dramatically in the last few decades. Some of us may have been dating through the changes as they came while many may be back in the dating pool following many years in a committed relationship that has ended for some reason.
Many people are doggedly searching and actively pouring over online profiles or getting out there and meeting new people, perhaps embracing the multitude of dating apps. Some of us may have finally sworn off looking, let alone dating, while others may be feeling frustrated with the process, but are still open to the possibilities.
One of the recent glimmers of hope, on the Kamloops dating scene in particular, happens to be one Tara Holmes of Holmes is Where the Heart Is Matchmaking Ltd.—our very own matchmaker.
The Connector thought it would be a perfect opportunity to check in with Holmes and find out what is going on out there for the “more experienced” people in our community:
Your business has been operating for a while now. Does that mean there are a lot fewer single people in Kamloops?
I guess let’s say there are a lot more people in love now! In all honesty I don’t want people to think there is anything wrong with being single. It really bothers me when I hear someone say “Why is the person single?” There are many people living a happy fulfilling life on their own and they don’t NEED a partner to complete them. It’s better to be happy and single, than miserable and in a relationship. But if two happy people can connect that is a wonderful thing.
You often say in your column you require people to be happy before you will agree to work with them. Can you explain that?
I meet with every person that contacts me. This is important as I need to know that if I am setting these people up with someone that they are both in a good place in their life. If someone is really sad, lonely, or negative well I just can’t fix that. Meeting a fun new friend or romantic partner will be a great bonus.
What age groups are you dealing with the most?
I was really surprised when I started this business as I originally thought that I would be dealing with 45-65 year olds. That certainly represents the largest contingent of people, but I also have quite a lot of millennials and just as many if not more people aged 70-90. The younger generation seems to be fed up with the constant disappointment that the online dating apps like Tinder and Bumble are bringing them. Our society seems to have lost the art of communication. Gone are the days of face to face flirtation or even something as simple as eye contact. It is refreshing that these young people are ready to look for more meaningful lasting relationships.
What about the generation over 65?
This is absolutely my favourite group! I have met so many people between 65-90 and I am totally inspired. It is evident that age is truly just a number. I love the quote, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; rather we grow old, because we stop playing.” Isn’t that just the best?! The most important thing as we age is to keep moving. Sitting is the new smoking. Do not just sit and become sedentary. I understand there are cases when mobility issues can’t be helped due to disease or injury, but we can certainly prevent disease and injury by movement.
What is the biggest challenge you are facing so far in Matchmaking?
This is an easy answer. So far it has been a bit of a challenge to get men to reach out to me and inquire about what I can offer. I have learned an interesting statistic in my research. More women get skin cancer than men, but more men die from it. The reason is women tend to get things looked after right away, where as men put it off until it’s too late. We all know women live longer than men.. That’s just fact. The good news is the life expectancy gap is closing in a bit and men are starting to look after themselves more. I know there are healthy men out there over 65. They play hockey, swim, hike, and are really active. The question is are they single? Whoever is reading this must know a single man that fits this criteria.
You sound like you are learning a lot from these folks?
My whole perspective has definitely changed. When I was 25 I thought 50 was old. When I was 50 I thought 80 was old. Since I started doing this business a couple of years ago, I have learned that no Age is old. We have been taught that technically you are a Senior Citizen at 65 and that it’s time to sit in your rocking chair and reminisce about the good old days.. That is totally outrageous.. These ARE the good old days and that’s why we need to live each day. Not talk about them, live them.
What made you think Kamloops needed a Matchmaker?
I guess it’s because I have heard so many people complain about on line dating. I do think on line dating worked better 10-15 years ago, but now with so many choices people are getting overwhelmed. I also find that people really like the notion that by meeting with me and expressing exactly what they are looking for , that when I connect them to someone, I have already met them, gotten to know them, and can assure them they are a good quality person. This is a safe discreet way to meet new friends. I also find that many people have busy schedules and by me working for them sending them matches it is an enjoyable process.
Have any of your couples gotten married?
Out of the 24 couples I have together long term, 3 of them have moved in together, and 1 recently got engaged. My engaged couple are both 68 years old. I also should mention that not all people are looking to become married or to move in. Many people find that this has been a great way to start socializing and meet new people. I have a couple people who became “Track Talkers” They go to TCC twice a week and walk and talk. I have another couple who play cards. So it’s not just for romance.
How can people get a hold of you to learn more?
Please check my website www.holmesiswheretheheartis.ca My email is firstname.lastname@example.org I also write a column in Kamloops This Week every other Friday. For those people on Facebook I post a lot of interesting resources and contests, and event information so follow my @holmesheartis FB page.
There is no pressure, or obligation to proceed with Matchmaking when we meet. You are interviewing me to see if what I do is a good fit for you. I really enjoy meeting every one and Coffee is on me.